


i’m a little drunk now, that’s why i went to war

by RippingOffZeppelin



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Nix POV, subtle war romance is subtle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 21:23:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19894570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RippingOffZeppelin/pseuds/RippingOffZeppelin
Summary: “Almost feels stagnant here, not in Europe but not at home” and he’s right, it’s a weird kind of in between floating in the middle of the ocean, nothing to do but wait-“Well we dock tomorrow, got a whole life ahead of you” he gestures out into the darkness “Any idea what you’ll do with it?”





	i’m a little drunk now, that’s why i went to war

**Author's Note:**

> title from “There You Are” by Zayn

The ship is calm in it’s slow crawl across the Atlantic in a way Nix is taking a moment to relearn to appreciate.

War is all frantic action until it isn’t, until it’s a slow passing of days in freezing foxholes, long stretches of paperwork, reconnaissance. Waiting in War is almost as bad as fighting; it's frantic in it’s own way, it’s not rest when the farce of peace can be broken at any moment by something deadly. Slow now, however, is quiet- placid in the aftermath they’re currently sailing away from, he takes a moment to breathe in the cool sea air and feels some deeper parts of himself unwind a little in the darkness.

He hears Dick before he sees him, really the footsteps behind him could belong to anyone but there’s something about how familiar the cadence is that lets him know it’s Dick. Something about the change to the air, if Dick Winters is in the vicinity Nix knows where; like he's pulled towards him, caught in his orbit, he could recognise Dick with his eyes closed. The thought pulls at something just below his ribcage.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks as Dick settles in beside him

“Still burning leftover energy I think” he says looking over to where Nix is slumped over the railing “No VAT?” Nix pulls his empty flask from his jacket shaking it in answer, Dick hums moving his eyes to the dark water, hands gripping at the cool metal railing as he leans slightly over the side. Nix straightens up to lean his back against the railing, soaking in Dick's profile; he's illuminated by the dull yellow glow of the deck lights, his hair washed golden. He looks exhausted, run down, beautiful. Nix's hands twitch with a familiar urge to reach out and he busies himself with tucking his flask away before they can start shaking. Dick's grip loosens as he focuses back on Nix

“You been out here long?” he asks, something akin to worry colouring the edges of his voice, Nix's mouth lifts into a smirk and he manages to cough back a quip about mother hens

“Not long" he says "Just needed some air” Dick nods at that relaxing down to his forearms on the railing, the move casual in a way he rarely gets a chance to be, Nix hides a smile at the informality. An easy silence falls over them then, it’s always been easy with Dick, even since the very beginning, in a way that probably shouldn’t have surprised him. A good majority of Nix’s life has been easy and Dick’s too good of a person to really clash with anyone, but it's always been just a little different with them; and it means a lot to Nix that they can still have this- this comfort in each others company, even after everything. It’s as close to peaceful as he’s been in years standing shoulder to shoulder with Dick the night stretching out beyond them and the whiskey he finished off an hour ago still warming his blood.

“It’s strange” Dick says quietly, gaze sweeping back over the deck “Almost feels stagnant here, not in Europe but not at home” and he’s right, it’s a weird kind of in-between floating in the middle of the ocean, nothing to do but wait

“Well we dock tomorrow, got a whole life ahead of you” he gestures out into the darkness “Any idea what you’ll do with it?” he can see Dick take a moment to mull it over

“I think I’ll go back to see my parents first” he says “Take a breath before starting off again” Nix nods, he understands that, thinks of Pennsylvania the way Dick describes it; thinks of vast rolling fields, clear still water, wide open skies and takes a deep breath himself. Home for him, home before the Army that is, is almost a depressing thought in comparison. A big empty house, divorce papers to sign, a job he didn’t earn waiting for him to prove himself to people whose opinions have long stopped mattering in the face of being considered someone worth knowing by the best men he’s had the rotten pleasure of fighting beside.

“I don’t think I’ll head back to New Jersey right away” he says shrugging, trying to push past the black feelings that have started snapping at the heels of warm victory since VE Day

“Thinking of staying in New York for a bit?” Nix shakes his head

“No, not New York” too cramped, too industrial, too packed full of well deserved celebration he doesn’t much feel like joining in on “I guess I’ll-“ he trails off because he doesn’t actually know, beyond not wanting to be so startlingly and obviously alone after years of continually being around other soldiers, he doesn’t have a clue what he’ll do before begrudgingly making his way back to Nixon to pick his life back up

“You could come to Lancaster” Dick offers kindly and Nix could choke on how much he wants to, to go to a place he knows will feel more like home than anywhere Nix has ever called that, if for nothing other than the man next to him. Dick’s been home to him for a good few years by this point and escaping to Pennsylvania with him is the one thing he actually wants to do, he can’t think of the last time he ever really wanted something like this. Something good.  He won’t though, Dick deserves some time where the Army can’t touch him, he’s not stupid enough to think Dick will forget the War as soon as his feet hit familiar ground but he deserves to not have it right in his face by way of an Army buddy who spent the better part of the War following him like a lost dog.

“You take your breath” he tells him “I’ll figure myself out” Dick’s mouth twists and Nix can tell he’s gonna push it, and Nix is weak enough that he knows he’ll say yes if Dick asks again “Really Dick, I’ll be good” he says reaching into his pocket to pull out his cigarettes, ready to steer the conversation somewhere else but there's something about the concern, about the stillness of the night as it’s close to breaking into day that has him saying

“I hear Chicago’s nice this time of year” he takes the moment to watch the memory surface in Dick’s mind, he can tell the moment it does, his eyes shine and he looks up to the sky, the same tilt to his head as all those years ago, he smiles softly looking back to Nix

“Yeah, Chicago sounds good” Nix smiles back, lighting up a cigarette and taking a deep drag

“Maybe after Lancaster, you’ll be up for a bit of travel”

“You know I think I will” he says “A friend once told me he’d take me there” Nix hums, leaning back down to rest his elbows on the railing

“Well a promise is a promise”

“I didn’t realise it was a promise” Dick says after a beat. Nix looks up at him, letting the smoke spill out of his mouth, Dick’s brow is furrowed and he’s looking at Nix like he’s trying to read something on his face, in his tone.

“It’s always a promise when it’s you” it’s a little bit more honest than he meant to be really, but he’s not about to fumble to take it back, even though he knows Dick will understand what he's actually saying 

_“Oh”_ Dick says, voice quiet and Nix isn't sure what the _Oh_ is, he’s always been terribly easy to read when it comes to Dick it’s hard to imagine him not having _some_ idea of how Nix feels, he just figured he was polite enough not to mention it. Maybe it’s because up to this point Nix hasn’t been so blatant about it; so achingly vulnerable about how Dick resides in all of his softest places. His hands have started shaking slightly, fingers crushing the slow burning stub of his cigarette, it’s dark and it’s quiet and they’re finally out of the goddamn War; if Dick asks now Nix will tell him everything, pull his feelings out of subtext and lay them in plain view. Dick clears his throat “There’s a couple of other things you’ve, uh- promised then”

“Yeah?”

“When you asked- when you offered the job in New Jersey, I thought maybe-“ he pushes himself upright, straightening out his jacket before turning to fully face Nix “Do you want me in New Jersey Lew?” he asks, the heavy weight of everything between them turning the question serious and really Nix wants him anywhere, he wants to mess up his jacket just to watch him straighten it again, he wants to head to Pennsylvania and forget everything that isn’t Major Richard Winters and his ridiculous giant heart, he’d follow him anywhere, he already followed him into a War zone, almost two and-

“Yes” he says before he can talk himself out of it, because it’s true, because he doesn’t lie to Dick. He flicks his cigarette bud into the water, turning to meet Dick face to face “You taking the job then?” Dick nods

“After Chicago” he says, hand reaching out to grab the railing next to them, the buttons at the cuff of his jacket clink against the metal as his takes a step closer “I’ll go home with you Nix” Nix sucks in a sharp breath at that, it’s why he asked, but the answer he was expecting was something a little less obvious, something a little _less_. Less than Dick standing in front of him seemingly offering everything Nix has never had the guts, or the stupidity, to honestly ask for.

“Dick-“

“Come with me first” he says “Lancaster then Chicago then New Jersey” and well, it’s not like he normally says no to Dick does he

“You sure you won’t get sick of me?” he smirks trying for a joke in the heavy air they’ve created, unused to the mutual tension, same page, same subtext. Dick smiles, a small pull to the side of his mouth that he only does when Nix has said something that makes him want to shake his head, it’s a fond look, and Nix burns at the sight of it.

“Promise” he says, reaching out, fingers lightly brushing over Nix’s cheekbone, sliding across to trace the shell of his ear and they’re so close now he can feel Dick’s breath fanning across his face. There’s a beat before their lips touch where Nix can hear nothing but his own heart thundering in his ears, he reaches out to cup his hands over the sides of Dick’s face, shivering as Dick’s mouth opens against his. It’s more than he could’ve ever hoped for and he almost feels selfish taking it so greedily, but Dick’s hands are clutching the fabric of his jacket by his hips and he can feel his own desperation mirrored back at him.

Dick pulls away first, just enough to catch his breath, Nix’s own chest is heaving- from the kiss or from the sudden lightness to his head he doesn’t know but he’s glad Dick didn’t go far, his hands now resting against Dick’s chest, the solidness grounding him

“Lew” he breathes and Nix can hear the smile in his voice, feels his nose softly brush against his, his chest aches at the gentleness. He would die for Dick Winters but he’s never had the luck.

“Lancaster” he says, shifting back to look into Dick's eyes “Then Chicago, then New Jersey” and it’s a promise, it always is.  


**Author's Note:**

> i rewatched BoB and i'm back in my winnix feelings
> 
> read ‘The Invention of Love’ by Tom Stoppard


End file.
